


Embrium Heart

by Shukara



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape Recovery, Torture, and the male lavellan, deals with past issues as well for lavellan, elf slavery, his history's pretty intense, look at me trying to tag shit, rated for later violence and such, these are more for male lavellan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-08 15:40:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11084694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shukara/pseuds/Shukara
Summary: Saelihn Lavellan has worked hard as Inquisitor but what's driving her? What did she lose at the Conclave that's torn her heart to pieces? She has nothing left to lose and she's going to make certain that Corypheus feels the full extent of her anger. Not only did he take those at the Conclave but he's turned the battle into something much more personal. He'll feel a wrath he wasn't prepared for.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so, I recently got into Dragon Age and I've only played Inquisition so far but I've fallen in love with it. This is unbeta'd so if you see anything that needs edited, just let me know. I can always be found @scuttlington on Tumblr.

In the early morning hours, forgetting was easy. She was back in the forest, arms outstretched and waiting for the rust-haired little boy to come running toward her. The scene was always picturesque with the sunlight bleeding through the high canopy overhead and halla grazing in the background, all of the peace punctured by the gentle tinkle of laughter. A smile was stretched across Saelihn Lavellan's face as she bent at the waist to pick her little boy up.

Then the scene shifted.

As soon as he was in her arms, the sky grew dark with swollen thunderheads, lightning flashing in the distance. Rain was about to pour but that wasn't the immediate concern. What was, however, was the decaying little body in her hands an--

_Wake up._

Saelihn gasped sharply and sat up. Her skin was moist with sweat and her chest heaved to draw in oxygen as bewildered blue eyes searched the room in front of her. Dalish-themed windows were closed, keeping the chill out and the fire had burned down to embers but none of that mattered right then. Red hair fell over one shoulder and Saelihn absently pushed it back, aware that it was slightly damp from her bath earlier. Or was it the sweat? She didn't know.

Sighing, she pushed the sleeves of her nightgown down off her shoulder. They were short to begin with but when she shifted in her sleep, they moved. Cotton always did.

The sun hadn't risen yet and Saelihn found that she was far too awake to ever go back to sleep. Small, uncovered feet found their way onto the stone beside her bed as she stood. Going down the stairs, she stepped into the main hall and was relieved to find that it was dark. The shadows, thankfully, looked like shadows. Nothing more and nothing less. Saelihn found that hidden intentions and enemies were everywhere now that she had to play The Game with Orlesian nobles. She wouldn't fool herself into thinking that Skyhold was the haven that Haven or Clan Lavellan's lands hadn't been.

Stepping out into the garden, she saw it was just as clear. Mother Giselle had to have been sleeping, a relief in Saelihn's mind, and she made her way to a small, run down room on the battlements. A chest was hidden under the bed that Saelihn had put there and she ducked down on her knees to grab it, pulling it out. Had it been daylight, she would have never come to the room but the night was dark and full of terrors. Ones that Saelihn wouldn't handle. Latches were unclipped and the lid was pushed back, revealing something that Leliana had gathered for her from the Temple of Sacred Ashes.

Inside was a small stuffed halla with charred edges, a tuft of rust-colored hair wrapped in a ribbon, and a steel box filled with ashes. His ashes.

Saelihn's eyes burned at the sight and she pulled the box out of the chest, sitting it on her thighs. Rubbing it with her thumbs, Saelihn's vision blurred. This was her secret from the rest of the Inner Circle, the one secret that hadn't been taken from her yet, but it'd been mentioned in the Fade at Adamant. Her own gravestone had her darkest fear written on it, just as the others were, but had been crossed out.

It'd already happened.

Landion had been seven when he'd died. “I should have never taken you with me,” Saelihn murmured. Her accent echoed back to her from the stone walls. “If I hadn't been so selfish...” Maybe he would have been safe with Clan Lavellan. Istimaethoriel would have taken care of him, she would have made him a mage to be reckoned with, as his father before him.

Now both were gone, both because of her.

A low sob broke through the silence and Saelihn brought her hand up to cover her mouth. The Inquisitor shouldn't break in such a way. Bend but never break, that had been her way of being a hunter but her edges were beginning to splinter and split. How long would it be before someone was caught in the storm of her? How many more people would die because of her?

The sound of footsteps outside the room caused her spine to straighten quickly enough that, on sight, it would have looked as if she had a Stormheart rod shoved down it. The steel box was tucked into the chest and the chest was shoved haphazardly under the bed once more. Saelihn wiped the wayward tears from her face and stood, careful to get the dust and grime off the skirt of her nightgown. Not but a second later, the door opened up to reveal Solas.

Despite herself, her heart skipped a beat at the sight of him. His eyebrows went up and Solas paused in his steps. “Ah, my apologies. I wasn't aware that anyone was here. Why are you awake at such an hour, Inquisitor?” His voice was calming, it had been since she met him and Saelihn smiled, a slight upward movement of her lips.

Shaking her head, she shrugged. “I couldn't sleep so I came here.”

“An empty room on the battlements?” One eyebrow came down but the other was still quirked upward. Solas leaned one shoulder against the door frame, bringing his hands up near the jawbone pendant. “Most would have gone to the kitchens. I have it under good authority that Blackwall goes for the honey and tea, dreadful. Though, it looks as if you've come here for something else entirely. May I ask what?”

“No, you may not.” The words were out of her mouth faster than Saelihn could stop to think. A huff left her and she shook her head, holding one palm up. “I'm sorry, I... it's something personal and I needed to find somewhere to keep it. I'd rather not talk about it either.” Leliana knew, that was almost as far as Saelihn was willing to go, even if she sorely wanted to tell Solas. He _was_ the man she'd been falling for since Haven after all.

The mage gave her a small nod and pushed off the door frame. “In any case, you should go back into your room. I'm fairly certain that it's going to be a terrible day for weather.” He nudged the door open and held a hand out to her, inviting her to come along and she did. Saelihn gave him her hand and padded out of the room but she cast a glance back to the chest under the bed, red hair twirling as she did. If the weather were going to be bad, should she take him with her? He'd be more protected in her room anyway, right? Saelihn turned her head. She was a terrible mother anyway, she'd gotten her baby killed by insisting he come with her to the Conclave and look at what that decision had gotten her. Gotten both of them.

Solas led her through the main hall and back toward the door of her quarters, letting her hand go and stepping back. “I won't ask why you were there but I will say that keeping emotions bottled up allows demons to manifest. If you need to talk about this, you know where to find me.”

Turning to him, Saelihn didn't open the door immediately. One hand stayed on the handle and both were behind her back. “Solas? How easy would it be to find the soul of someone who has passed? Does it have to be a specific one or... or can other souls help them to be found again?”

He paused and frowned slightly, grey eyes finding her again. “Spirits come as they wish. If the person has moved on, they would not be found in the Fade, if that's what you mean. Spirits in the Fade will deceive you into seeing what they want you to see, caution will always be advised when going into it. Physically being in the Fade and speaking to the spirit taking Divine Justinia's form taught you that.”

“Yes, but would they be attached to a certain place? Would they... come to someone asking for them if they were close enough to them?”

“These are quite specific questions.” Solas stepped toward her again, eyebrows drawing together. “Are you looking for someone you've lost?”

Blue eyes were cast away from him. Saelihn bit her lower lip and dipped her chin toward her chest. Was it desperation driving her to ask such things of him? Perhaps. It was a weakness that she couldn't resist and Saelihn sighed. “Yes. I lost them at the Conclave.”

Looking back up at him, she found Solas's eyes were closed and he was turning away from her. One hand shot out and gripped the edge of the shirt he wore, frowning. “Solas, please. I need to know if I can get in contact with them. You've gone to ancient battlefields and seen spirits guiding young women to kind hearted boys so what would make this so impossible?”

“Nothing, I suppose, but if the spirit isn't there, you may see one that isn't who you're looking for. Impressions can be mimicked and used to manipulate a person seeking something specific. Believe all you would like if you do find who you believe you're looking for but be cautious.” Solas crossed his arms and carefully pulled away from her, Saelihn's hand falling willingly. “Why are you so desperate to learn more about seeking spirits out?”

His question made Saelihn shake her head. If she stopped asking, it would be easier, wouldn't it? Solas had an old world feel to him, as if he were living both in the past and the present. She couldn't expect him to do something like this for her.

“I was only wondering. Thank you for walking me back to my quarters, Solas. I'll speak to you in the morning.”

“We're leaving to the Hissing Wastes tomorrow,” he reminded her.

“...Right. We need to sleep for our journey.” Saelihn turned from him and immediately went behind the door and shut it, hiding from him. For a moment, she saw his shadow at the edge, the moonlight from the large windows casting it, and thought he would come through. When he didn't and turned away, Saelihn sighed and put her forehead against the wood. Landion was far from a shameful memory but knowing she was responsible for his death was unforgivable.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I totally forgot a team in-game can only have four members. This is my fault and I didn't realize it until I was already done with the chapter so. Whatever. We get a five man team today! Fuck it. Also this is still unbeta'd, so I'm sorry if there's any mistakes. It's been a long time since I wrote anything that wasn't a roleplay response omfg.

Traveling across Orlais turned out to be a bit of an ordeal. Not in the way of drama but simply in the way that getting up after a hard night of drinking was difficult. Bandits had been on the roads, opponents easy to take out, and made it difficult for travelers like the Inquisitor's merry band of friends. Even then, Saelihn caught herself wandering away from their given path in order to grab pieces of fruit off branches along the way.

The days were long and filled with walking but she never minded that part. It was easy to handle because being awake meant that she could focus on something. Skinning kills for the night's supper or filling bandits and demons with arrows – focus to redirect her thoughts to actions that needed immediate attention. Saelihn relished the feeling.

Grab the arrow, nock it against the bowstring, and pull it tight. Breath in, breath out. Release and repeat! Repetitive tasks, such as firing her bow, were easier.

That meant Saelihn was busying her hands once camp was made. A piece of wood was in her hands being whittled. The next, she might have been braiding Embrium together with wildflowers to create a crown. Some were spent reading the tomes they collected on their way to the next campsite, anything to keep her hands and head busy because once night fell...

Saelihn had taken to sleeping in the same tent as Solas. They'd kissed in the Fade and perhaps twice while waking. He was safe, warm, and his presence was soothing. After the night he'd found her visiting Landion's chest, Saelihn felt that if she stayed as close to Solas as possible, sleeping would be easier.

She couldn't have been more wrong.

It started the first night of their journey to the Hissing Wastes. That night, it had been the attack on Haven that had revisited her, making her shake and toss during her sleep. She hadn't woken but once, finding herself being pulled and pressed against Solas's side. A small gesture on his part but it had consoled her enough to sleep again, this time without the presence of a dream.

No one commented on the dark circles under blue eyes the next morning. Everyone was feeling it after that first night. It would last into the week as they got used to sleeping in bed rolls again. Jokes were tossed around the campfire and Varric would tell a few stories of Kirkwall and his travels. Saelihn's favorites always ended up being the ones that had something dirty and risque to them but she would never say it. Apparently, neither would Cassandra. Behind those brown eyes, Saelihn always believed she saw a little spark of amusement but the warrior rarely faltered.

Some nights, the dreams never came and Saelihn was drifting in a dark haze until she woke up. Those were the most restful and the same nights she found herself with one of Solas's hands in her hair. She never protested and he never mentioned it. Perhaps that was for the best. A grown woman afraid to sleep by herself? Saelihn couldn't stand the thought. She was the Inquisitor, a source of inspiration and strength for others! She shouldn't have been allowing herself to be so weak but here it was, the darkness of the night tearing her armor off and leaving her vulnerable to the nature of all nightmares.

In order to reach the Hissing Wastes, they had to pass by Adamant Fortress and Saelihn couldn't bring herself to glance in it's direction. It brought nothing but terrible memories and she found herself not sleeping that night. With it eluding her, she found Solas was standing watch on the outskirts of their camp. That made little sense to her but she kept her head down. Perhaps the journey into the Fade had bothered him as much as the memories ate at her. _Maybe not, he seemed more than interested in being there in the Fade. Physically,_ she added, _he seemed like a child given candy for the first time._

That night, she didn't bother him. The next week was spent digging sand out of places sand should have never been at the nearest source of water. Saelihn found herself wading through the small oasis after they'd filled their waterskins, taking the time to clean herself. At the edge of the water, Bull sat with his arms thrown over an outcropping of rock.

“So. What do we expect to find in the Hissing Wastes, boss?” The question was to fill silence. Saelihn knew that the second he spoke up but she lifted her head anyway. Red hair was darkened by the water and streaked down her skin like blood.

“We're stopping Venatori activity. There's ruins there that they're going after, from what the reports show. We're simply going to take those areas back from them by creating an Inquisition presence. Didn't you read the report?”

A large hand was held palm up at her. “Got it, Boss. Just asking. You seemed a little dazed out after we got past Adamant. My real question is: why do you sneak around Skyhold at night?”

Saelihn froze and frowned. Red hair was pulled over her shoulder and she carefully wrung the water out of it, trying to think of a way to respond. While she was thinking, Bull spoke up again.

“I'm only asking because you always go to the same tower right under the garden. I don't sleep well either and whispers reach further than you might think. What's going on, boss?”

“I thought that walking would help me to sleep a bit better, Bull.” That was, of course, bullshit. Bulls noncommittal grunt told her he must have thought the same but wasn't going to say so.

“Are you ever going to explain that whip mark on your lower back? Or the stretch marks on your belly?”

Blue eyes narrowed and Saelihn turned, baring her breasts to Bull and standing fully. “No. When I wish to tell you about that part of my life, I will. I'm sorry, Bull, but there are some memories that cannot be divulged so easily. Thank you for the concern.”

While her stomach knotted with apprehension, Bull's single eye narrowed for a moment. A long silence filled the area and Saelihn found that it was too late to turn her words back before a low chuckle broke the quiet. “Man. I knew redheads had tempers but I've never been on the receiving end of one. I got the message, boss, you can calm down now. Keep that up and you'll end up getting the egg over here talking about rage demons you're bringing along with you.”

One blink then another and Saelihn's shoulders fell. Bull understood? A startled laugh came from her, causing a grin to stretch across her face, and Saelihn shook her head. One arm was under her breasts and the marked hand covered her face from the blush that was starting to appear on it. “I'm sorry, Bull. I don't know what came over me. I didn't intend to become so defensive, I should have reigned myself in.”

“Hah! No, not at all. It's good to see this. Makes you more than just a symbol. I'll be checking up on you later.” The water sloshed around him as he stood, leaving her along in the pool, skin moist and still dripping.

“Checking up on me?” But she got no answer. Bull was already getting himself dried off near the campfire amid Varric's complaints and Cassandra's disgusted noises. She could have sworn she'd heard one of them yelling at him to put the snake away. There were some things Saelihn almost wished she were curious enough about in order to ask but she didn't. Hurrying out, she dried off with a bit of a rag and dressed, sitting in front of Varric to let him braid her hair back into place before bed.

* * *

The Hissing Wastes were darker than Saelihn had anticipated but the amount of space was impressive. In a way, it was frightening but she had no room to worry about that. In fact, there were campfires in the distance to investigate. Doing so went well, items were looted from the bodies and new objectives were found. Dwarven ruins were uncovered and Saelihn found herself pausing at a few to attempt to read.

So far, Bull was the only one who had pulled her away from the others when they set up camp to rest. With one large hand on her shoulder, he guided her. "Something bothering you, boss?"

Blue eyes widened in surprise and Saelihn looked at him. When he mentioned checking up on her, she didn't believe it was going to be so soon. "How did yo--"

"Ben-Hassrath, remember? You have a pinched look on your face and you keep avoiding our resident egg-mage when you're awake. You didn't comment about our chess match today either. What's up?" Bull's attentive looks hadn't been noticed. It was no wonder. His training meant that he could find out almost anything about a person with a few glances, things that Saelihn would have overlooked. For a moment, she wondered if he regretted becoming Tal-Vashoth with such skills.

"It's only stress." The lie rolled off her tongue now. Cassandra had asked her something similar at the war table before they left but only Leliana had given her a soft look of worry. "Tell them," she had said. "Tell them before it eats you alive. Keeping a secret like this and barely mourning will destroy you." Or it may destroy Corypheus. Saelihn's hand clenched into a fist and, for a moment, she forgot she was talking to Bull.

That walking piece of red lyrium was going to regret everything that he'd ever done. Saelihn would make sure of it. Hawke and Varric had their chance and it was her turn now. She may not have been a mage or warrior, but she had something else. Not only the anchor but a deep, resonating hatred that she'd kept bottled up until she'd found _who_ to direct it toward.

Corypheus's death would be one of the most satisfying moments of her life, she wagered. It wouldn't bring Landion back to her, nothing would, but it was a start to heal her broken heart. So far, the only thing that was keeping her from completely having a meltdown was the Inquisition and leading it. That wouldn't continue for long, not at the rate she was going, but Saelihn had to try. If it ended with her finally witnessing Coypheus's death at her own hands, then so be it. If that were her last day alive, then that was okay with her too, but only if he went first. Saelihn knew if it were up to her, she would have him bound and tortured for the rest of his days but that gave him an opening to get loose and do what he'd like all over again. It couldn't happen.

A large hand crashed into her upper back. What was a 'soft' hit to Bull ended up almost knocking the wind out of her lungs with a little 'oof.' "Hey. Come back here, boss. I see that look in your eyes like you could kill a man, but we're not done talking. Stress? I don't doubt that's what it is but you have another pinched off look to you. Are you sure you're okay?"

Blinking, blue eyes cleared as she turned her head toward him. Insistence was one thing but genuine worry made Saelihn frown. The last thing she needed was for her companions to be more worried about her than they were about the goal. Their objectives needed more attention than what was ripping at her heart. In the back of her head, the echo of Landion's happy giggling made her pause. Other women would have given anything for their children, they were like her, wanting the world for them. Only the best. Now, Saelihn needed to protect them where she hadn't protected her own.

"Yes. If I can't handle my stress, it'll be dealt with accordingly." One hand waved it off only to receive a snort of derision from him.

"Yeah okay and I don't have giant horns sticking out of my head. I'll keep an eye out, boss, but you gotta talk at some point. I've only got one left."

"If she doesn't wish to talk, she doesn't have to." Saelihn whipped around to see Solas standing there, one hand on his staff and stormy eyes pinned to Bull. "I'll take it from here, thank you. We'll continue our chess match in the morning while we travel."

Solas took a step toward her leaving Cassandra and Varric, who were debating about Swords and Shields, that much Saelihn could hear. Who was she to stop them from their brainstorming? Bull's hands went up in surrender and he walked past Solas back to their remaining companions. Silence filled the immediate area and Saelihn took a moment to herself since Solas was quiet enough. Even that was broken within a moment's time.

"The Iron Bull was right. Your stress seems to be from something else. If it continues, you may end up attracting a rage demon," he pointed out. Some part of Saelihn wanted to laugh because he wasn't wrong. Rage had been welling up in her for a long time now and it was only growing. Not to mention Bull had said something similar not but a week or more ago. The rift demons they took out that day had suffered while she'd been fighting, at least that was what it looked like from her point of view. She'd used her leaping shot at least twice to vault over Solas's head.

A sigh left her. "He thinks he's right but I'll let him have that. It's not something I can parade around."

Silence reigned between them for a moment. The wind swirled around the, pushing the sand as it had for thousands of years before their arrival. In the distance, Saelihn thought she heard laughter on the wind.

"Have you thought to speak to Cole on the issue?" Solas was looking at her again and, for the life of her, Saelihn wanted to forget the entire conversation. In fact, she wanted to reach over and kiss him to take her mind off of it but she didn't. She knew that wasn't an answer and Solas would likely stop her, as was his right.

"No. Cole has other people to help that are worse off than I am. I'll be fine. If I keep myself moving and my mind occupied, I'll avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair and defeat Corypheus." That was the only thing that was on her mind for the moment but a snort from Solas caught her attention.

"Continuing to ignore the issue could make your focus on Coypheus falter. Why not step up to the base issue and start working on it sooner rather than later?" Solas was staring her down, his gray eyes unreadable. For a moment, she almost thought she saw a flicker of curiosity in them. "I can wait for you to speak. I'm more than skilled in keeping a secret. That is if you want to talk about it."

Saelihn turned blue eyes back to the darkened sky with a frown, her arms crossing over her chest. If she wanted to talk about it, she would have already! That was what she told herself repeatedly but that was clearly far from the truth. How in the world could she tell her companions and not receive anything but pity? It was the last thing she wanted. In fact, she wanted one of them to yell at her about how stupid of a woman she could have been for bringing Landion to the Conclave. It was her own fault after all. Who in their right mind brought a child to such an event, danger or no?

She cast a sideways glance at Solas and shrugged. "I did something before the events of the Conclave that changed the course of my life. When I told you that I hadn't changed much from before I had the anchor, I wasn't lying. Not exactly."

His eyes were practically glued to her as she spoke and it felt as if they were burning a hole right through her. For a second, she thought she saw an accusation there. If it were truly there, he wouldn't have been wrong to have done so, not after what she'd done. She shuffled on her feet and glanced down at them, the prowler armor still something she was getting used to.

"I had something before the anchor that I don't have anymore. I lost it at the Conclave." Her voice was little more than a whisper but he heard her.

"A person, I assume? Your questions about spirits gave it away. I was wondering when you would talk about it but now is as good a time as any." His voice sounded tight, restrained, but Saelihn took a moment. "You can tell me, vhenan."

Landion wasn't the only one that she'd lost but he was the heaviest that weighed on her heart. Hearing Solas say that made her want to break down, fall to her knees, and tell him everything but she didn't. The last thing she needed was to look like a crumbling pillar. People were expecting her to be the strongest thing in all of Thedas. How would it affect them to see the Herald of Andraste, the Inquisitor, crying like a that? Like a woman who had lost everything?

Glancing at him, she sighed and redirected. "When I came to Ferelden to spy on the Conclave, I brought a small group of my clan with me. Long story short, they were all lost when the Temple was..." What was the right word? "Anyway. That's all I keep thinking about. The clan trusted me to take care of them and I failed, now I'm where I am today."

He stared at her as if waiting for more but when she didn't speak, Solas nodded. He readjusted his grip on his staff and turned his head toward the expanse of sand before them.

"Loss is a difficult time and to have all of this thrown on you is much harder. Yet you've raised above most and shown the world your resolve." On his face was a soft smile, a gleam of something in his eyes.

A soft snort left Saelihn. "Are you sure it has nothing to do with my side benefits?"

Solas's startled laughter made her smile and she swore she had seen his ears turn a delicate shade of pink. "While they're lovely, I assure you my admiration has little to do with your physical appearance. Although, I won't say I've not noticed. Your interest in that empty room is concerning, is there something that you're hiding?"

Pausing, Saelihn turned her eyes away. "There's nothing, Solas, there's only one other piece. I won't hold it back from you for long but... you need to give me time."

"I understand. Come. I'm certain that the stew should be finished by now, then we can sleep." Her shoulders fell and Saelihn smiled, turning with him and walking back to the campfire. The group ate and Cassandra continued bickering with Varric about the novel while Bull and Solas continued their verbal chess game. Peace had Saelihn watching them, smiling slightly when a thought occurred to her.

Landion would have found Solas particularly fascinating.

She could already hear the sound of Landion's tinkling laughter and light voice. He had been a sweet little boy, always asking questions and wanting to help people. In fact, just before she'd been in the Fade, Saelihn remembered Divine Justinia had been playing with him. The other Chantry sisters had disapproved of the little Dalish boy asking their Divine to tell him more about the Maker and Andraste, but she'd humored him. It was enough that she had tried to be kind to him.

Saelihn closed her eyes and put her hand on her stomach. When she'd been pregnant with him, she'd felt every little kick and slow movement. Having him in her had been the strangest thing in her life but she'd been proud. Becoming a mother had been one of the things she'd aspired toward but she hadn't wanted to allow it to define her, even now she was more than _just_ a mother. Despite everything, she found herself falling back on the joy that had filled her life when Landion was there with her.

On lonely, storming nights, he'd kicked within her as if he'd sensed the coming storm. Lightning zapped through the trees, snapping some of the branches down around the aravels, but it had never hit her own. Saelihn never thought much about it but she had reached down and simply stroked her belly to try to calm the infant within.

"Sleep now, if no one else will, the Dread Wolf will protect you."

She didn't realize she'd said the words aloud until she felt a pair of eyes burning right through her. Her own turned toward them, making her pause. Solas. He had caught what she said and he had a thoughtful frown on his face.

"I believe the proper curse is 'may the Dread Wolf take you,'" he corrected carefully. "I've never heard of anyone asking him for protection."

Saelihn smiled and sat up on her elbows. "My previous husband spoke of him often. He'd been just as upset as Vanir when he heard there was no vallaslin for Fen'Harel. So he took Andruil's where Vanir took Dirthamen. My mother also spoke highly of him, she always said that outcasts were there for a reason even if it's not explicitly stated. She always felt there was more to the story than being told."

"Vanir?"

"Yes." Saelihn nodded and propped herself up on her hands. "The young elven man who came to Skyhold with us. My Keeper sent him to us for information to be sent to the clan, so he's been helping Leliana with getting that information. He's been incredibly close to Dorian but, if you recall, he also popped out of a bush in the garden and nearly scared Mother Giselle out of her dress."

Solas hummed and Varric nudged him. "If you'd come out of that tower every once in a while, Chuckles, you'd catch more names."

"And if I would like to remain? I have painting and several pieces of research on my table, Child of the Stone, I must keep an eye on it. Just as you should keep an eye on your own bowl."

While Solas had been talking, Bull was creeping a little closer to pick for the piece of bread on Varric's plate. Once the dwarf glanced over, he jerked away and nearly poured the stew all over himself, trying to move away from him. "Keep to your own bowl, Bull!"

"Ugh. Varric!" Cassandra wiped at her boot before standing and taking a seat across the fire, shaking her head. "Smack his hand instead. I'd rather not be cleaning vegetables off my clothing for a week. If you haven't noticed, we don't have any rivers in this place."

"I've noticed, Seeker. I have sand in places that sand should never be," he huffed. "I'll be picking it out for years. I don't know how you stand it in heavy armor."

"Training. Now finish your food so we can sleep." With that, Cassandra managed to shut down conversation even while Bull was filling the immediate area with booming laughter.

Saelihn grinned and got up after she'd eaten. She headed toward her tent and removed her armor to put it beside of her bed roll. While she was pulling her tunic on, she heard the flap of the tent being pulled back only to glance back at Solas coming in. He followed suit and put his staff next to the bedroll, nudging his own closer to hers. "I've no desire to listen to them talking about that novel. I'm barely through the first book," he muttered.

"You read it?"

"Why wouldn't I? Varric has an interesting take on romance. I've not seen the like of it except... in my journeys into the Fade. I suppose you could call it 'old world' romance." Solas laid on the bedroll and threaded his fingers together on his stomach, watching Saelihn undressing.

"Old world? What would ours be considered then?" Smiling at him, she eased down to her knees and carefully crawled over to him. He moved one arm to invite her over to him, a low hum greeting her sensitive ears as she put her head down on his chest. Solas was far more sturdy than she could have ever imagined.

He took a moment before he answered. "Unique, simply because it's ours. Sleep now. We have work to do in the morning."

"Meet me in the Fade?"

"Perhaps not tonight. The area is far too volatile for such a thing right now." Solas pulled the blanket over them both and used his magic to gently cool the material, keeping a steady hand on her back.

* * *

A dragon, of all the things to find in the Hissing Wastes, a dragon had to be one of them. Saelihn sat down on the sand, her back to one of the pillars still standing, and closed her eyes. To be fair, the Sandy Howler had been absolutely beautiful but fighting it had been torture on her body. There was a cut along her side from the beast's back claws but Saelihn simply grabbed her pack to get the Elfroot, ready to crush it.

“Put that away.” Solas's command came from above her. Gray eyes were narrowed and he knelt beside of her long enough to gently pry her armor away from her body. The stretch marks weren't easy to see in the moonlight but with veilfire that close, they had a silvery hue to them, looking like roots across her skin. A long fingered hand paused at the sight of them but Saelihn said nothing since the warmth of his magic was slowly stitching her skin back together.

“Camp is a half day's ride away,” Solas murmured. “I can heal you to that point but we must hurry.”

Glancing at her side, Saelihn frowned. It was deeper than she'd thought but Cassandra and Bull had taken most of the punishment from the creature. She looked up to find both of them were on their feet while Varric was off in the background. “I'll be fine, we ha--”

“Fenedhis lasa! You will go to the camp with me now,” Solas barked. Saelihn's heart jumped and she turned her head to him. His eyebrows were pulled together and his jaw was clenched. Sweat beaded on his brow but his eyes were hard and staring her down. “Fighting a dragon this far from Skyhold is bad enough. Forgoing your own safety is worse. Vhenan, you're going to the camp, no more arguments.”

In the background, she was vaguely aware of Bull going back to the dragon's corpse with Cassandra, neither of them stepping in to stop Solas. Perhaps that was the best idea after seeing what he'd done to the mages who summoned Wisdom. The mere thought of the two warriors running from Solas had her laughing softly, the motion jarring her ribs and causing pain in the area.

“What do you find so humorous? I have yet to see it,” he commented mildly. Solas had stopped healing her long enough to gently wrap cotton around her middle.

“I-it was just a thought. A stupid one. I don't know why it came to me like that.”

“At times, one finds humor in the strangest places. I believe that's what you're experiencing or you're delusional from blood loss,” he muttered. Solas hooked his arms under her knees and shoulders to pick her up and walked over to where they'd left the horses tied. “Seeker! I'm taking the Inquisitor back to the camp. I will meet you there.”

Saelihn felt herself deposited onto the saddle and Solas pressed against her a second later. The Orlesian Courser snorted and was directed away. Saelihn could barely make out where they were. Sand looked the same! It moved and she thought that maybe it was tilting a bit but no, it was only her. Solas's hand appeared on her chest, pressing against her heart, to keep her in place when another thought skittered across her mind.

“Landion would have liked you,” she muttered.

“What? Vhenan, I don't know who that is.”

A little laugh, bordering on hysterical, and Saelihn leaned back against him. Her head lolled on his shoulder until she turned it to press her cheek against his own. “Landion.” When said, the name was stretched out as if Solas were simple. “He's the one I visit when I can't sleep, in the tower. He would have liked you, he showed his magic a year before the Conclave.”

“Vhenan... There's no one in the tower.” Careful. Solas's low voice was cautious as he spoke, gray eyes shifting between the sands and the elven woman resting against him. “I would know if there were a spirit in that tower and there isn't. Who is Landion? What happened to him?”

But Saelihn's eyes were drooping. She was barely holding onto consciousness as she rocked and shifted with the horse's movements.

“Vhenan! Who is Landion and what happened to him?!” Fear. She could hear that at least. Saelihn sighed and a low whine left her throat.

The second her eyes closed, Solas tensed and drove the horse harder. It would seem that he would not get an answer until she was better. Even then, what was to guarantee that he would _get_ an answer then? Solas frowned and continued directing the horse. He would simply have to ask her when she was going better. He couldn't allow something like this to slip by when it seemed so important to her.

What else had he taken from his heart? What more was he going to learn about her? For a moment, Solas almost didn't want to know, fearing that it may end up breaking his heart as well.

 


End file.
